Sunday, June 2, 2013

A Day In The Life Of An Accident Prone Person

When I wake up in the morning, I approach my day a little different than normal people do. I suffer from a very real problem.

I am incredibly accident prone. I hurt myself doing stupid things - not stupid like "longboarding on the highway" stupid, but stupid like "this shouldn't happen to people" sort of things.

Allow me to explain:

In the 4th grade, I fractured my elbow. I was getting out of the van and my sister shut the door before I was all the way out.

I also had to get stitches on my wrist. I was arguing with my brother and we running inside to tattle on each other. He slammed the door, I put my hand out to stop it and put my hand through the window. Actually, neither of us even remember what we were fighting about. 

In high school, I dislocated the carpel bone on my right wrist on an amusement park ride called the Sky Diver.

Two weeks later, I dislocated the same bone in my left wrist, falling down the stairs and trying to protect my right arm. Both this wrists still require chiropractic care on a semi-regular basis.

I fell down on a walk once and ruptured all the blood vessels in the pad of my thumb, by perfectly nailing a knot on a tree stump.

My senior year, I walked off the edge of the stage during a blackout and broke my foot. I was also senior class president; in a show; planning a prom, a spirit competition, and graduation; and trying to prep for college auditions. On crutches.

College was rough too.

I broke my nose and got a concussion because I was going to swing a door open with my hip. The door happened to be locked.

I discovered I was deathly allergic to latex in a stage makeup class.

I got hit by car once because it was so windy that I got blown off the sidewalk.

I ended up with knee surgery because I slipped and fell in a water park. Not one of my dance classes. A WATER PARK

And when I had my tonsils removed, I ended up in the emergency room, because I just happened to time my surgery with the day the weather went from 65 degrees and raining to 95 degrees. 

And then I just fall down stairs, walk into things, and drop things on a regular basis.

The chiropractor, masseuse and I are good friends. Though, I do want to say, I am celebrating 8 months with no visits to emergency room (knock on wood!!)

I know this a really tongue-in-cheek post, but in all honesty, I do pack my purse with that in mind.

I bring a knee brace, band aids (latex free, naturally!!), ibuprofen, and allergy pills almost everywhere I go. Because I like adventuring and sky-high heels and tomfoolery and antique stores and amusement parks and stairs and dancing.

Though when I am antiquing, I do my best NOT to touch anything. Wouldn't want to break something valuable on my college budget.

But there is nothing wrong with being a klutz! Think Jennifer Lawrence - she fell up the stairs at the Academy Awards and handled it with grace and humour. And America still loves the girl.

And I don't know if any of you, my lovely readers, watch and enjoy New Girl as much as I do. But let's talk about Jess - the most adorable klutz on TV. The episode where she tried to be a car model? Priceless.

Zooey Deschanel had a great quote about J. Law. She said, "“It was kind of like clumsy girls rule! If you have ... a young woman who wins best actress at the Oscars, going up the stairs, trips and falls, it’s just kind of, like, validation."

Does being a klutz detract from her charm or add to it? It looks to me like it is something that adds to her quirkiness. It takes a beautiful girl, and turns her approachable. Clumsy girls are like a romantic comedy waiting to happen!

I maintain that there is a level of charm to clumsy girl - at least that's what I tell myself. I just own it now and I laugh at myself. And I always have some good stories to tell at parties and dinners!